Alliant Counseling and Education is a group practice made up of professional licensed therapists. Each therapist is a specialist in their chosen discipline with years of clinical experience. This unique group setting offers clients access to the best range of clinical care.
Lots of guys wonder if they really have a problem. Some guys will go weeks, months, or even years without using pornography or acting out sexually. But, then, they find themselves in the behavior again, even for a short time. It's confusing, to say the least. How can you know if you need help?
To put it simply, if you want to stop, but can't, and you're experiencing life consequences, then it's a good idea to get some help as soon as possible.
Here are some additional questions you can ask yourself to see if you have a problem that needs help:
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, contact us so we can help you get started in recovery.
THINGS TO KNOW
It's common for guys struggling with problematic sexual behaviors to try and fix them on their own without talking to anyone else. It's embarrassing, they feel humiliated, and they wonder if anyone can really help them.
We can help you. We have a team of highly trained therapists and experts in treating pornography and sexual addiction. We offer individual counseling, couples counseling, and our effective LifeStar program, a more thorough and intensive way to tackle this problem.
Please visit our LifeStar program page for more information about how we can help you overcome your pornography and sexual addiction.
Want more information on pornography and sexual addiction?Slave Master (PDF)
Road Map for Recovery (PDF)
From Under the Rock (PDF)
Partners betrayed by pornography/sexual addiction
"I didn't realize how much recovery I needed from MY pain and trauma…"
If you are the partner of a man struggling with pornography or sexual addiction, we want you to know that you are not alone, and that most partners of addicts experience hurt, anger, and guilt. Some even feel responsible for their partner's sexual compulsivity. It is important for you to know that your partner's sexual acting out IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME! These two important concepts are covered in your treatment. Yes we recommend you come for treatment also. Even if your partner has not admitted to having a problem, or is not willing to enter into a recovery program we recommend that YOU come for help and healing. Now is a good time for you to reflect on your own life, and determine what changes you can make that will help you live a life full of peace and passion, and the happiness that you deserve.
When a spouse learns that her husband or loved one is involved in pornography and related compulsive sexual behaviors, she is flooded with distressing emotions. These include feelings of shock, anger, disgust, deep hurt and confusion. Women also experience intrusive and obsessing thoughts. These overwhelming emotions and obsessive thoughts occur naturally as a result of the betrayal, trauma, and being blind-sided by the disturbing information surrounding their spouses sexual secrets. Often times, the end result is impaired daily functioning and profound powerlessness. The most common request that women seek through therapy is a safe place to sort through this traumatic experience. Because most addicts are disconnected emotionally and tend to deny or minimize their problem, it is not very likely that the partner can consistently provide the safety and support necessary for healing. You need a support system.
We are trained to help the wife of an addict heal from the impact of the relational trauma so she can reclaim her life. You're not crazy, you've just been exposed to the crazy world of addiction, dishonesty, and mistrust.
As the wife of an addict, you may find yourself feeling like you're living a double life–acting as if everything is okay, while separately attempting to keep others (family members, friends, boss, etc.) from finding out.
Managing two lives takes its toll. Your husband's addiction affects every area of his life, which will also impact your life. Relationships with family and friends suffer; hobbies are neglected; finances, church status, employment, and other responsibilities can be compromised. Your husband's recovery-and your own healing-will also affect every aspect of YOUR life. This fact is actually a dual-edged sword–both frightening and comforting. While we cannot guarantee what changes will take place in your life, or what choices your husband will make, we are confident that you can heal.
The spouse of the addict is dealing with the harsh reality of a broken bond. The security and safety of emotional needs are gone. Much of the relationship feels fake; like a fraud. If the addict has been a safe place for the partner in the past, after learning of the addictive behaviors, his wife is left feeling vulnerable and disoriented. She will naturally ask, "Who can I trust? Who will be there for me now?"
The betrayed spouse does not know where to turn and will often struggle alone. The spouse's identity, security and stability are destroyed. This type of trauma shatters the internal world of the spouse of an addict. All aspects of her life are affected. Her ability to function with employment, household duties, and parenting is disrupted. Her sense of self is altered. Often her spirituality is impacted. The experience is overwhelming and her responses to this type of wound is called "relational trauma."
Responses to trauma in this sense can vary widely, and may include any of the following
Please contact one of our highly trained and compassionate therapists to help you begin your healing journey. We offer individual counseling and the LifeStar program to provide you with the education and support needed to make this healing journey.
If you want to learn more about partner betrayal trauma, please read the following articles:What's A Woman to Do? (PDF)
Great Betrayals (PDF)
Recovery Myths (PDF)
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) may be able to help. I have received specialized training in EFT and will work with you and your partner to identify and resolve the patterns that keep your relationship stuck.What is EFT? EFT is:
Child Play Therapy
Therapeutic play, (including play therapy) , is a well established discipline based upon a number of psychological theories. Research, both qualitative and quantitative shows that it is highly effective in many cases. Recent research by PTUK, an organisation affiliated to PTI, suggests that 71% of the children referred to play therapy will show a positive change.
A safe, confidential and caring environment is created which allows the child to play with as few limits as possible but as many as necessary (for physical and emotional safety). This allows healing to occur on many levels following our natural inner trend towards health. Play and creativity operate on impulses from outside our awareness - the unconscious. No medication is used.
The therapist may reflect back to the child observations of what has happened during the session if this is felt to be appropriate. Above all the child is given "Special Time". So often in modern life we never seem to have enough time to spend with our children - just playing, just being there for them. The child is given strategies to cope with difficulties they face in life and which they themselves cannot change. It provides a more positive view of their future life.
Sessions may last from typically 30 to 45 minutes. They may be with individual or groups of children. A variety of techniques - 'the Play Therapy Toolkit' are used according to the child's wishes and the skills of the ‘therapist'.
The first recorded use of therapeutic play goes back to 1919 It is informed by a number of psychological theories. Probably the most important contributions to modern practice are the work of Virginia Axline and Violet Oaklander. Two major approaches are 'Non-directive play therapy' and 'Directive play therapy'. A skilled practitioner will adopt a mix of both approaches according to circumstances.
Play Therapy International has, through the work carried out by Play Therapy UK (PTUK), pioneered the development and use of a competency framework, as the foundation of a Profession Structure Model, to improve the understanding of exactly what a practitioner of therapeutic play does.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma. When you cut your hand, your body works to close the wound. If a foreign object or repeated injury irritates the wound, it festers and causes pain. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. EMDR therapy demonstrates that a similar sequence of events occurs with mental processes. The brain's information processing system naturally moves toward mental health. If the system is blocked or imbalanced by the impact of a disturbing event, the emotional wound festers and can causes intense suffering. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. Using the detailed protocols and procedures learned in EMDR training sessions, clinicians help clients activate their natural healing processes.
Twenty positive controlled outcome studies have been done on EMDR. Some of the studies show that 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer have post-traumatic stress disorder after only three 90-minute sessions. Another study, funded by the HMO Kaiser Permanente, found that 100% of the single-trauma victims and 77% of multiple trauma victims no longer were diagnosed with PTSD after only six 50-minute sessions. In another study, 77% of combat veterans were free of PTSD in 12 sessions. There has been so much research on EMDR that it is now recognized as an effective form of treatment for trauma and other disturbing experiences by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association and the Department of Defense. Given the worldwide recognition as an effective treatment of trauma, you can easily see how EMDR would be effective in treating the "everyday" memories that are the reason people have low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and all the myriad problems that bring them in for therapy. Over 70,000 clinicians throughout the world use the therapy. Millions of people have been treated successfully over the past 20 years.
EMDR therapy is an eight-phase treatment. Eye movements (or other bilateral stimulation) are used during one part of the session. After the clinician has determined which memory to target first, he asks the client to hold different aspects of that event or thought in mind and to use his eyes to track the therapist's hand as it moves back and forth across the client's field of vision. As this happens, for reasons believed by a Harvard researcher to be connected with the biological mechanisms involved in Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, internal associations arise and the clients begin to process the memory and disturbing feelings. In successful EMDR therapy, the meaning of painful events is transformed on an emotional level. For instance, a rape victim shifts from feeling horror and self-disgust to holding the firm belief that, "I survived it and I am strong." Unlike talk therapy, the insights clients gain in EMDR result not so much from clinician interpretation, but from the client's own accelerated intellectual and emotional processes. The net effect is that clients conclude EMDR therapy feeling empowered by the very experiences that once debased them. Their wounds have not just closed, they have transformed. As a natural outcome of the EMDR therapeutic process, the clients' thoughts, feelings and behavior are all robust indicators of emotional health and resolution—all without speaking in detail or doing homework used in other therapies.
Living in a family can be challenging at times. Sometimes families get stuck in how they relate to one another. Family therapy is an effective way of improving these relational patterns.
If you need parenting help and want to improve the relationships in your family, call one of our qualified family therapists and see how we can help you.
Sometimes life becomes overwhelming and we need help getting out of stuck patterns. We all have blind spots and challenges that can get in the way of satisfying relationships, career advancement, or just simply enjoying life. Our therapists have thousands of hours of experience working with every conceivable human problem, such as depression, anxiety, stress, relationship problems, sexual dysfunction, trauma, and other challenges. Give us a call and see if we can help you.
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