How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
If you’ve ever heard the term people pleaser before, you probably know that it’s not a term that carries positive connotations. Being a people pleaser usually means ignoring your own thoughts, feelings, or intuition about your own needs and sacrificing yourself in order to make others happy. While it might seem like a noble thing to do, being a people pleaser generally has more negative consequences than it does benefits. We’re going to show you some concrete steps to stop being a people pleaser.
Here are four different ways being a people pleaser can potentially harm your relationships and your mental health:
While it might seem like a noble thing to do, being a people pleaser generally has more negative consequences than it does benefits.
1. Lack of Authenticity: People pleasers often prioritize the desires and needs of others over their own.People pleasers may suppress their true feelings, desires, and opinions, leading to a lack of authenticity in their relationships. Over time, this can create a sense of disconnect and make it challenging for other people to truly know and understand you.
2. Resentment and Frustration: Constantly trying to please others can be emotionally draining and may lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. People pleasers may find themselves sacrificing their own needs, wants, and boundaries to meet the expectations of others. This can build up over time and create a sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction within your relationships.
3. Imbalanced Power: Relationships thrive on mutual respect, compromise, and healthy boundaries. However, being a people pleaser can create imbalanced power dynamics where one person consistently takes on the role of the giver, while the other becomes accustomed to being the receiver. This can create a dependency and imbalance in power, leading to an unhealthy and unsustainable relationship.
4. Neglected Self-Care: When people pleasers prioritize the needs of others above their own, they often neglect their own self-care. This can lead to increased stress, burnout, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Over time, neglecting self-care can impact emotional well-being and put a strain on your relationships, as you may become emotionally exhausted and unable to give your best to your relationships.
It’s important to note that being considerate and caring towards others is a valuable and admirable way to be in relationships.
It’s crucial to strike a healthy balance that respects your own needs and boundaries in a relationship, even when you want to sacrifice to give to others.
If you have already experienced any of the issues mentioned, we invite you to take proactive steps to address them and work towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Here are some suggestions on what you can do:
- Self-reflection and Awareness: Begin by reflecting on your own patterns and behaviors within the relationship. Take the time to identify the areas where you have been a people pleaser and understand the impact it has had on you and your relationship. Increasing self-awareness is a crucial first step towards making positive changes.
- Open and Honest Communication: Initiate open and honest communication with people around you. Share your feelings, concerns, and the realization that you have been prioritizing their needs over your own. Express your desire to work together to create a more balanced and mutually fulfilling relationship. This dialogue can help foster understanding and encourage your partner to actively participate in the process.
- Set Boundaries: Establish clear and healthy boundaries within the relationship. Communicate your needs, desires, and limits to others, and ensure that those boundaries are respected. It’s important to find a balance that considers both your needs and the needs of your others, fostering a sense of equality and mutual respect.
- Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care and make it a regular part of your routine. Take time for yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and nurture your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to contribute positively to the relationship.
- Seek Support: Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the challenges you are facing. They can provide guidance, tools, and techniques to help you develop healthier relationship dynamics, enhance communication skills, and work through any underlying issues.
- Embrace Vulnerability: Embrace vulnerability and allow yourself to express your true thoughts, feelings, and needs. It may feel uncomfortable initially, but being authentic and vulnerable is essential for building a deep and meaningful connection with others.
Remember that change takes time, and it’s important to be patient and compassionate with yourself and those around you, throughout the process. When you first start to stand up for your own needs, it may surprise others, and they may need time to get used to the changes. Building a healthier relationship requires mutual effort, understanding, and a commitment to growth and personal development.
Finding a Provider
If you or a loved one are looking for counseling for people pleasing or therapy for perfectionism in Southern Utah, St. George, Ivins, Washington, Santa Clara, La Verkin, Hurricane, Leeds, New Harmony, Toquerville, Cedar City or Enoch, Utah, call or text 435-688-2123 and our client care team will help you find a provider that matches your needs.
Alliant Counseling by Sela Health
393 E Riverside Dr., Ste 3A
St. George, Utah 84790
Online Appointments Available Across Utah
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